1. There’s a guy in the audience who looks just like Captain Stubing from The Love Boat.
  2. If I take my guitar offstage with me after the last song, will it look like I’m leaving early?
  3. It was dark when I got here–did I leave my lights on?
  4. Now that the lights are on me, I think I should have taken more time with my hair this morning.
  5. Did we say two times through the offering song, or three?
  6. The pastor’s pant leg is caught in his sock.
  7. There’s a person in the audience that I used to date. Uh oh.
  8. Should I have prayed more, or practiced more?
  9. I completely lost my place in the song…yet I’m still playing.
  10. Should I try to sit perfectly still during the drama, or will that only draw attention to me?
  11. I need to work harder at losing weight.
  12. If I have to play D to F#mi7 one more time, I’m gonna hurt somebody.
  13. I’m going to nod off during the prayer and I won’t be able to stop it.
  14. I love this song.
  15. I hate this song.
  16. I don’t have my watch on – if I lean back just right I bet I could read the bass players watch.
  17. Did I miss the cream-colored-pants and sweater memo?
  18. I can see the singers laughing backstage – I wonder if they’re laughing at me.
  19. This song reminds me of another song – who did that song? Chicago? Air Supply? Three Dog Night?
  20. And there I go – lost my place again.
  21. Crap – I left my coffee on the piano. Should I get it now, or will that draw more attention yet?
  22. I’m the only woman up here – why is that?
  23. There are a LOT of people out there.
  24. From the audience, the stage looks big and shiny and important. From up here the place looks like a cement block room with stacking chairs.
  25. Those people sit in the same spot every week.
  26. Ooh…she’s pretty.
  27. The sound guys keep telling me to turn it down, and the music director keeps telling me to turn it up – which do I do?
  28. I’m missing the MacNeil-Lehrer Report.
  29. Why does everything have to be in 6 sharps? (Sax players)
  30. I wonder if we could somehow justify doing Wilson Picket’s version of ‘Mustang Sally’ as a prelude? (Guitar players)
  31. This song sounded better during the rehearsal.
  32. I hope the glass pulpit breaks again – that was funny.
  33. Would anyone notice if I got up and went to the bathroom during the drama?
  34. I’m off next week – I can sleep in!
  35. Those two are dating?  Since when?
  36. OMG—my phone is on, volume up, and it’s sitting where I can’t reach it.
  37. If the pastor finishes on time today, we could probably beat the Baptists to the restaurant.