- There’s a guy in the audience who looks just like Captain Stubing from The Love Boat.
- If I take my guitar offstage with me after the last song, will it look like I’m leaving early?
- It was dark when I got here–did I leave my lights on?
- Now that the lights are on me, I think I should have taken more time with my hair this morning.
- Did we say two times through the offering song, or three?
- The pastor’s pant leg is caught in his sock.
- There’s a person in the audience that I used to date. Uh oh.
- Should I have prayed more, or practiced more?
- I completely lost my place in the song…yet I’m still playing.
- Should I try to sit perfectly still during the drama, or will that only draw attention to me?
- I need to work harder at losing weight.
- If I have to play D to F#mi7 one more time, I’m gonna hurt somebody.
- I’m going to nod off during the prayer and I won’t be able to stop it.
- I love this song.
- I hate this song.
- I don’t have my watch on – if I lean back just right I bet I could read the bass players watch.
- Did I miss the cream-colored-pants and sweater memo?
- I can see the singers laughing backstage – I wonder if they’re laughing at me.
- This song reminds me of another song – who did that song? Chicago? Air Supply? Three Dog Night?
- And there I go – lost my place again.
- Crap – I left my coffee on the piano. Should I get it now, or will that draw more attention yet?
- I’m the only woman up here – why is that?
- There are a LOT of people out there.
- From the audience, the stage looks big and shiny and important. From up here the place looks like a cement block room with stacking chairs.
- Those people sit in the same spot every week.
- Ooh…she’s pretty.
- The sound guys keep telling me to turn it down, and the music director keeps telling me to turn it up – which do I do?
- I’m missing the MacNeil-Lehrer Report.
- Why does everything have to be in 6 sharps? (Sax players)
- I wonder if we could somehow justify doing Wilson Picket’s version of ‘Mustang Sally’ as a prelude? (Guitar players)
- This song sounded better during the rehearsal.
- I hope the glass pulpit breaks again – that was funny.
- Would anyone notice if I got up and went to the bathroom during the drama?
- I’m off next week – I can sleep in!
- Those two are dating? Since when?
- OMG—my phone is on, volume up, and it’s sitting where I can’t reach it.
- If the pastor finishes on time today, we could probably beat the Baptists to the restaurant.
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“I’m more than halfway through the acoustic intro and I forgot to put my capo on.”
A nice blend of #21 & #36…leaving my phone on the music stand during the message with volume up and “Eruption” as my ring tone. Dear God, please don’t let anyone call me.
I spent the entire first half of a church concert staring at my jacket, draped over a chair in the front row, volume up. My ringtone was the James Bond Theme. I now have the David Lee Roth Isolated Vocals From Running With The Devil ringtone set. I don’t think I’ll ever get sick of him growling, “I’m-only-gonna-tell-you-one-time-AAGGHHAAGGHH”.